A Decade of Dating

Today marks the ten year anniversary of my adult dating life.  Adult dating, for our purposes, will signify time spent with a member of the opposite sex that did not involve a parental chaperone. In honor of surviving my first decade dating, I present some "Dos and Don'ts... Mostly Don'ts". One for every year.
  1. Stay together or break up? Doesn't matter. Make a decision. Any decision.  Turns out it doesn't matter what you pick. It's all in your head anyway.  The success of your relationship has more to do with your headspace than the other person.
  2. You will get caught.  Factor this in when engaging in elicit behavior.  Doesn't mean you can't partake, but it had better be worth it.  Beth in the mailroom is not worth becoming a double agent for, but Kelsey the gymnast might be.  
  3. When giving a compliment, avoid adding "today" at the end.  "You look pretty" will get you a lot further than "You look pretty today." It matters.   
  4. Don't buy your significant other socks for Christmas.
  5. Breaking up with someone does not mean you can immediately date other people.  Just because you get out of the shower does not mean you're not wet.  If you're thinking you can sneak around and date under their nose, see above.  Moving on too quickly is almost always in poor taste.  A pragmatic rule of thumb is that you should never be praying for more than one menstruation cycle at a time.  Ladies, when you send him the text saying you're late, there should be no one Bcc'd.
  6. Deciding where to eat should not be like getting a bill through congress.  Food is food.  Put it in your mouth and move on.
  7. Cut the baby talk; it makes your friends hate you.
  8. Sex is a fairly accurate barometer of the health of a relationship.  If the sex has stopped, your stuff may already be on the curb.  
  9. Insecurity will murder everything you care about.  No one notices all your faults until you painstakingly and repeatedly point them out.  Did you even notice my car was dirty before I started profusely apologizing for it?  Of course you didn't.  You're wondering how your hair looks and if your jeans are giving you a muffin top. 
  10. You only know how much you loved or didn't love someone until after the relationship ends and you see what your life is like without them.  I can't decide whether this is beautiful or a tragedy.     
  The photo is of Amber and I outside of TMCC in 2000.  I can't remember the last time I smiled that big.  Give me another decade.  I'll work on it.  


  1. I'm evaluating the number of "don'ts" you observed during our magical journey (please note the heavy sarcasm). 1-4? I don't remember us EVER debating a something as trivial as restaurant choice, so I'm guessing this was something from the "L-word" era.

    P.S. I didn't even recognize you in the photo! However, now that I examine it more closely, I find you haven't changed in 10 years.

  2. I like that people unfamiliar with our situation will think that tumultuous relationship issues occurred during the airing of a Showtime alternate lifestyles television show.