Dear Owners and Operators of Pubs, Saloons, Lounges, and Beer Gardens,
I would like to lodge a complaint. Bar Coke. What the fuck? I'm not opposed to spending time in bars; given the geography of my theatre, I spend a good deal of time in them. Moreover, I'm inclined to kick back and relax a little. I, too, cut loose. After a great show or in times of celebration, I'll treat myself to a soda dessert. But, the garbage that passes for a fountain drink at a bar has got to end. Generic cola, flat like a sixth grade girl, and 80% of ice is not worth $3. I'm not paying it. I'm taking a stand.
Smash that five-button soda-dispensing gun. That thing makes everything taste like stale cough syrup. Invest in a high quality fountain. In & Out Burger has some fine models, ones with regularly maintained and controlled CO2 levels.
You hear me piss peddlers? No more. Don't make me knock back a 20oz Mountain Dew in the parking lot before I come in. Don't make me be that guy.